Times Square Spiderman Smells So Bad A Witness In His Assault Trial Identified Him By His Stench

Gawker – Despite appearances, the costumed mascots of Times Square can be a sour bunch. Just last year, Cookie Monster pushed a baby, Elmo spewed anti-Semitic vitriol, and Super Mario got handsy with someone’s thigh. But apparently the stinkiest of all is the Spider-Man who hit a woman in the face after quarreling about a tip. Philip Williams is on trial facing 90 days in prison for the alleged February 2013 assault, and on Monday, the court used an unusual identification method on a key piece of evidence. From theNew York Post:

“The smell is very distinctive?” Manhattan Criminal Court Judge Anthony Ferrara asked her after she was presented with an evidence bag containing the suspect’s costume on Monday.

“Yes,” she replied.

“You remember that smell?” the judge asked after she took a whiff during the pre-trial hearing.

“Yes,” she said again.

Spider-Man’s odor was allegedly so strong that the victim could confidently recognize it nearly a year and a half later.

Anybody who’s read Barstool New York knows one of my favorite topics is the Times Square “Performer” deviants. Anti-Semetic Elmo, Cookie Monster assaulted a 2 year old, Mario sexually assaulting people, Spider man punching a mom in the face. I fucking love those assholes. I even constructed a Starting 5 for these derelicts.

But it looks like they’re gonna be without their shooting guard for a little while! Because Spidey is headed to the clink because he smells so fucking bad he got ID’d in court. I’ve seen enough CSI to know that every criminal leaves some sort of evidence behind. Sometimes its a finger print. Sometimes its DNA. And sometimes you smell so fucking bad and you’re so filthy that a year and a half after you punch a woman in the face, she still remembers how stinky you were. Of all the things that could have taken down Times Square Spiderman, B.O. turns out to be his Achilles Heel. Seems fitting considering all these Times Square mascots are just homeless vagrants in costume.